Drop and give me 60

or how to get down sniper's alley....

I was chatting to my new Substack friend Lindsay of the Ageing Optimist, and discussing what it means to be 60. Oh, she said, it’s sniper’s alley! If you can get through your 60’s unscathed, you will be fine or so I’ve heard. (thank you Lindsay for giving me such a brilliant intro).

I love browsing Threads, it is so much more fun than the tumbleweed city that is my Instagram account. Threads has started suggesting accounts from women in their 40’s onwards. Many of these accounts talk about how to deal with ageing. They talk of embracing grey hair and wrinkles, like this is all there is to it. There is an all pervading sense that youth is ephemeral, and all too soon, everything starts going downhill, boobs drop, your booty gives up on fighting gravity, you put on a ton of weight and then you become invisible. But it is OK, you can be serene, you can grow into your ageing body, and be good with it. Oh, and grey hair is good (in case you had forgotten, with the brain fog).

This makes me chuckle. Statistically, you are only half way through your life. In the UK, whilst the life expectancy is dropping, you can still expect to make 83 years of age (2022 stats) and 79 in the USA. You have some way to go before you are actually old. However, 20 of these years, statistically, will be spent in poor health. Seriously, if you are going to start thinking you’re old in your 40’s, you need to pace yourself ladies, or you are not going to last the distance. If you are going to be living your best life, what will you be doing to get through sniper’s alley and beyond? Also, when and if will you make life altering changes?

If you are in your 40’s, you won’t have a ton of time to worry about this, because you will be very busy. Jobs, relatives, kids, money. It will eat into literally decades. Before you know it, the kids will have left home, you will have done quite a few different sorts of jobs to fit in with your life and the economic climate, have had difficult periods with personal relationships, and suddenly you will be 60 and oh my goodness, this is a wake up call.

It is at this point that you take stock, realise more is behind you than in front, and really have to assess what to do with the rest of your life. You need to be very strong at this point. You are cast abroad on scary waters and you can’t see land. If you want to make the most of what remains, you need to have laid the ground work. I’m not talking pensions and investments, though these are of course very important. I am talking preparing your body and mind for this time. If you are a mother, you may very well be grieving that your children, on whom you have lavished your love and care and about 20 plus years, don’t really figure in your life any more. Your job may have defined you, perhaps in your own eyes, and those of everyone you know. You may find yourself unexpectedly or, with relief, on your own. What are you when the mainstays of your life are gone?

I arrived at this point 5 years ago. We were living in France and I was the main wage earner. Estate agency isn’t fun, like on the TV. The presenters always look cheery because they are paid whether or not the clients buy a house. This is not what in fact happens. Everyone is commission only. There are so many ways things can and do go wrong, and there are always new ways for things to go wrong. I was exhausted. I was demoralised. I never, ever wanted to see another buyer ever again. So, I retired and played in my garden which I hadn’t had time to do over the previous 16 years. My husband was very keen on spending some time back in the UK. The climate became more difficult in our corner of France, with extreme heat and floods, so we sold up and went from a farmhouse with 4 acres to an end terrace house and a courtyard.

We bought in a seaside town in the English Lake District. It has been a culture shock, moving back, and I have had difficulty adapting. I miss the crazies, and the eccentrics, and the way our little French town had a shifting international collection of inhabitants. For two years we were in lockdown, and I only saw a neighbour and a lovely lady who had tested for me and amazingly, lived 15 minutes away. It is from these two people, and a chance meeting, that I am constructing a friend network.

If I were to assess where I am, at nearly 66, it would be the following:

• my time is my own. I can lie in. I can get up as early as I want. I can wake up early and then go back to sleep. Time, in that respect, has lost its dominion over me.

• I know who and what I am and, thank heavens, I am no longer a people pleaser.

• I don’t have to live with pissy adolescents or reeking toddlers or anyone else who takes up bandwidth. I am very lucky not to have to be a carer.

• I am very fortunate to have found a man who has grown with me over the past 38 years and knows I need my own space, and not to interrupt me when I’m counting.

• I have friends who love the things I do. They make time for me and we have fun.

• My best friend has been just that for 30 years and is dearer to me than the sister I always wished for, but never got.

• I wake up every day to see the sun rising over the bay and I have things I want to do, and enjoy doing.

• I do things which I find really difficult because I am a masochist (OK I love difficult things) and I set myself tough physical challenges. The bliss when they are done is something to be truly appreciated.

OK, we may live until we are 80ish but are we going to be healthy? Apparently not, according to the Office of National Statistics. Even in the most affluent areas of England, you could be spending 20 years in poor health. Link at the end of the article.

If you are going to live well, then there is a duty which you must impose on yourself, and that is to look after your engine and chassis. You can treat yourself like a Landrover, or a people carrier for a certain time. However, you can’t trade yourself in. It becomes more and more important to carry out more maintenance as you get into vintage status (someone wrote ‘treat yourself like a freaking Lamborghini’, that made me laugh). What I am talking about here is health and fitness.

I went to see my doctor. She gave me an MOT and said I was in good running order and we talked about what I could do to maintain health. She advised weight bearing exercise to maintain bone strength, gentle cardio to exercise the heart and cutting out refined sugar. We eat a Mediterranean based diet of fresh, home cooked food and a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend and we don’t smoke. We are slightly overweight according to BMI. I was amazed to learn that it is possible to put on muscle through to 80 years of age. She said I needed to be doing something to get my heart rate up every day. My husband thought this was a very good idea.

I went home and looked up the BBC couch to 5K programme. I was 62. I had never run in my life. I have bad knees, rubbish lung capacity and asthma. I have never done any sport, ever. I told everyone I was doing it. This is very important. Almost without exception, I was met with disbelief and this gave me the impetus to start. I live in a town on a hill so I can always start at the top of one, and by the time I get to the bottom, I have warmed up. Small children overtake me but I can keep going for 5k. I discovered the key is good running shoes, hydration, carbs an hour before and bloody mindedness. I absolutely love running and wear lipstick and smile at people as I pass by because it freaks them out. Yes, it does make me feel better than the people sitting on the benches, eating pies, and heckling me. I have a coffee at the end. I really look forward to it.

This January the weather was wet it was also very cold and windy. Running was not an option so I looked online and found Move with Nicole Pilates classes which I do 4 - 5 times a week. It is brutal and I am puce with effort but I actually have a waist. I get up at 7.30 and start at 8 and it is 30 minutes. We then go out and walk for a couple of hours.

I have talked to people who do exercise and people who don’t and it appears to be the case that the less you do, the less you can do. When you arrive in your 60’s your body starts calling in debts for bad behaviour. Joints start objecting to carrying around heavy loads, vascular systems start clogging, your heart starts getting tired and nasty diseases pop up. Your friends may be telling you that you are lovely but the people you should be talking to are the medical profession. By the time you are in your 70’s, things can start going seriously wrong so you owe it to yourself, and the possibly two decades left, to make your life the best possible.

You are very much an actor on this stage. If you are going to get down sniper’s alley, you need some smart moves. Life does throw you curve balls, as Lindsay said, it’s often in the luck of the draw.

However, when it comes to lifestyle it is YOU who is in the driving seat. Will you be in the Lamborghini? Will you be in the Mini with the rotting chassis? I know which one will get down sniper’s alley in the fastest way. I need to live at least another thirty years to get through my yarn stash. If that isn’t an incentive, I don’t know what is.

Have a lovely (healthy) week.

Lily x

Links

UK Office for National Statistics

My patterns on Ravelry

Some Substacks I enjoy:

Lindsay's always optimistic writing

Louise Tilbrook's lovely knitty community

Kavitha's excellent knitting help

Cathy's beautiful art and reflections on the seasons